Warning Signs

Recognizing the Hidden Signs of Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse isn’t always obvious. It often starts with emotional manipulation and escalates over time, making it harder for victims to recognize the abuse as it unfolds. Abusers frequently control the victim’s mind, emotions, and physical autonomy, leaving them feeling scared, confused, and isolated.

In Australia, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 13 men have experienced emotional abuse from a current or former partner, showing how prevalent non-physical forms of abuse are. Often, the signs aren’t dramatic at first—subtle putdowns, control over your social life, or restricting access to family. These behaviors may seem minor at the beginning, but they can gradually increase in severity. By the time physical violence begins, many victims already feel isolated and trapped.

Signs of Abuse: What to Watch For

If you feel afraid of your partner, it’s a clear sign that something is wrong. Fear should never have a place in a healthy relationship. Whether it’s fear of expressing your opinion, bringing up certain topics, or saying no to sexual advances, these behaviors signal an unhealthy dynamic.

If you think you may be experiencing abuse, trust your instincts. Here are some signs to watch for:

Your Partner Bullies, Threatens, or Controls You

  • Accuses you of cheating
  • Blames you for their abusive behavior
  • Criticizes your appearance or decisions
  • Tells you how to dress or look
  • Threatens to harm you or someone close to you
  • Yells at you or throws things to intimidate you

Your Partner Controls Your Finances

Financial abuse is a common, yet often overlooked, form of domestic abuse. 1 in 5 women in Australia have experienced financial control in a relationship. This form of abuse leaves victims financially dependent on their abuser, making it harder to escape.

Signs include:

  • Denying access to cash or credit cards
  • Monitoring every dollar you spend
  • Preventing you from working or controlling your income
  • Stealing money from you or your loved ones
  • Withholding money for basic needs like food or clothing

Your Partner Isolates You

Isolation is a tactic abusers use to cut victims off from support networks, making it harder for them to leave.

  • They track where you go and who you see
  • You have to ask permission to visit friends or family
  • They embarrass you in front of others, so you avoid social events

Your Partner Physically Abuses You

Physical abuse can escalate over time and often coexists with other forms of control. 1 in 6 women and 1 in 16 men in Australia have experienced physical or sexual violence by a partner.

  • They abandon you in unfamiliar places
  • They prevent you from accessing food, sleep, or medical care
  • They hit, punch, kick, or pull your hair
  • They attack you with weapons

Your Partner Sexually Abuses You

Sexual abuse often happens within relationships, even though it’s less talked about. The majority of sexual assault victims know their abusers.

  • They force you to have sex
  • They coerce you into sex without protection
  • They use sexually degrading language or behavior

Signs Someone You Know Is Being Abused

Not all abuse is easy to spot, but there are signs that can indicate someone close to you may be experiencing domestic violence.

Watch for:

  • Frequent injuries or excuses for injuries
  • Personality changes, such as low self-esteem or anxiety
  • Constantly checking in with their partner
  • Avoiding social outings without explanation
  • Wearing inappropriate clothing to hide injuries, such as long sleeves in summer

Are the Signs Different for Men?

The signs of abuse in men are often the same as for women, but male victims may face additional barriers to seeking help. Whether the abusive partner is a woman or another man, abuse can include physical attacks while sleeping, controlling behavior, or even attacks on children or pets.

Abuse in the LGBTQ+ Community

Abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships often mirrors heterosexual relationships but may also involve additional dynamics related to gender identity or sexual orientation. Abusers may:

  • Use homophobic or transphobic language
  • Threaten to "out" their partner to family or employers
  • Claim that no one will help the victim because of their identity

What to Do if You’re Being Abused

If you're being abused, know that it’s not your fault, and help is available. If you're in immediate danger, call 000.

Consider creating an emergency escape plan:

  • Hide car keys or pack a bag with essentials (clothes, money, important documents)
  • Keep this bag with a trusted friend or neighbor
  • Create a code word with loved ones so they know when you’re in danger
  • Know where you’ll go if you need to leave quickly

What to Do if You Think Someone is Being Abused

It can be hard to speak up, but someone’s life may depend on it. Here’s how to help:

  • Ask them if something is wrong
  • Talk specifically about the behaviors that concern you
  • Offer a non-judgmental, listening ear
  • Let them know you’re available to talk whenever they’re ready
  • Offer help, but respect their decisions

Domestic abuse is not always easy to identify, but the signs are there. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, reach out for support. You deserve safety, and help is available.