Support Victims Of Violence

Are You Worried Someone You Care About is Experiencing Family Violence? Here's How You Can Help

If you suspect that someone close to you is living through the terror of family violence, your concern could make all the difference in their life. Family violence often hides in plain sight, masked by fear, shame, or a misguided sense of loyalty. But deep down, the victim feels trapped, isolated, and stripped of their autonomy.

It’s not easy to recognize family violence—victims may not even realize they are being abused. But make no mistake: the scars are real, and they can be emotional, financial, and physical. In Australia, 1 in 6 women and 1 in 16 men have experienced physical or sexual violence by a current or former partner, and 1 in 4 women have endured emotional abuse. This isn’t just conflict; it’s about control, fear, and diminishing a person’s sense of self.

Don’t All Couples Have Fights?

Yes, disagreements are normal in any relationship. Healthy couples argue and face challenges together without resorting to violence, threats, or insults. A raised voice in a heated discussion doesn’t make someone fearful of their partner. But family violence is far from normal.

In an abusive relationship, one person wields power over the other in a sustained, calculated pattern. What starts as controlling behaviors—telling you what to wear, criticizing your friends—can rapidly escalate into isolation, verbal assaults, and physical violence. When a person is cut off from family and friends, they are left feeling small, scared, and alone.

Signs Someone You Know is Being Abused

Recognizing the signs of family violence isn’t always easy, but your awareness could save a life. Victims often hide their pain, convinced that the abuse is their fault or that no one will believe them. But by knowing the signs, you can offer support that might change everything.

Here are some red flags to look out for:

Withdrawal from loved ones: Has your friend or family member pulled away from social gatherings or stopped seeing people they used to be close to? Isolation is one of the first signs of abuse.

Unexplained fear of their partner: Do they seem anxious or nervous when their partner is mentioned or present? Do they avoid certain topics or behave differently around their partner?

Controlling behavior: Does their partner keep close tabs on their whereabouts? Have they said things like, "He doesn’t like it when I’m out of contact," or "She always checks my messages"?

Emotional manipulation: Does the partner get unreasonably angry over trivial issues? Has your friend mentioned that their partner is jealous, possessive, or prone to outbursts?

Public humiliation: Does the partner belittle them in front of others, criticize their intelligence or appearance, or make them feel small?

Signs of sexual coercion: Have they mentioned feeling pressured into sexual activities they don’t want, or have they ever said, "I owe them sex"?

Physical abuse: Have they ever hinted at being pushed, slapped, or hit? Physical abuse can also include being denied food, sleep, or medical care. In Australia, 1 woman is killed by a current or former partner every 9 days—these behaviors can escalate quickly.

Physical injuries: Have you noticed bruises or other injuries with implausible explanations? If they seem agitated or defensive when asked about their injuries, they may be hiding the truth.

What Should You Do to Help?

It’s hard to know what to do when you suspect someone is being abused, but your concern could be a lifeline. Here’s how you can help:

1. Ask if They Are Okay

Approach them gently and privately, when their partner isn’t around. Let them know you’re worried and why, but don’t push for answers. Just let them know you care and are there for them whenever they’re ready to talk.

2. Listen Without Judgment

If they choose to open up, listen. Truly listen. Believe what they’re saying and remind them that none of this is their fault. Abuse isn’t about losing control—it’s about gaining control, and they didn’t cause it.

3. Offer Practical Support

Victims often need help with everyday tasks. You could offer to help create a safety plan, be an emergency contact, or help with transport or childcare. Sometimes, it’s the little things that make a big difference.

4. Don’t Criticize or Blame

It takes incredible bravery to speak up about abuse, and it’s important that you respond with empathy and understanding. Don’t criticize their decisions, and avoid saying things like "You should just leave." Leaving an abusive relationship is complicated, dangerous, and requires immense courage.

5. Respect Their Choices

Leaving an abuser is one of the most dangerous times for a victim. In fact, women are at greatest risk of violence when they are trying to leave. Don’t pressure them to make decisions they aren’t ready for. Instead, offer them resources and information about how to stay safe, and trust that they know their situation better than anyone.

6. Don’t Give Up on Them

Victims of family violence often try to leave multiple times before they can successfully break free—on average, a woman will leave and return to her abuser seven times before permanently separating. It can be heartbreaking to see someone go back, but it’s important to stay supportive. Keep the lines of communication open and continue to offer your love and concern.

Family Violence is Everyone’s Responsibility

If you think someone is in danger, don’t stay silent. By recognizing the signs and offering a listening ear, you might be the lifeline they need. Your support could help them take those first terrifying steps towards safety. Family violence is insidious—it thrives in silence, secrecy, and shame. But together, we can break the cycle.